For the uninitiated, the first paragraph of the Author’s Note is a riff on the classic opening from The Outer Limits (lovingly abducted from Yell! Magazine). You know, the show Harlan Ellison wrote for, without which there’d be no Terminator. And what a sad world that would be. On the bright side, rabbits!

As for the content of the note, I thought it appropriate to provide a caveat emptor for the readers. Of course, in this case, the emptor is getting their caveat for free. And for those of you so inclined, you can send your damn art to me at Excelsior!

More Author’s Notes:

  • “Dun. Dun. DUN!” is considered a “sting,” and in our case, we are using a brief comical stab of music to enhance the punchline. It’s usage is fairly common in television, though the actual verbalization seems to run the gamut (so sayeth Guido of Arezzo) from Dun. Dun. DUN! to Dun. Dun. Duh! to Bum! Bum! BUM! and so on. Yeah, I am very easily amused, unlike some people.
  • “Cue Gene Wilder” is a reference to his wonderful rendition of “Pure Imagination” in the 1971 version of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory by British composers Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley (who also penned the title track to Goldfingah by Shirley Bassey!).
  • I originally envisioned the Author’s Note in Comic Sans, but that font has become even more universally reviled than, well, celery. Don’t believe me? Check out There’s even a pledge at the end. Seriously. A pledge.
  • Thus began my quest to find a more readable and slightly less controversial font. Oddly my Google search for “most readable font” authoritatively offered up Garamond. And while it won’t save the government $467 million, it does look pretty good for my purposes. I mean, it is the world’s most readable font. Stay thirsty, my friends.