{"id":48,"date":"2014-09-26T06:30:00","date_gmt":"2014-09-26T06:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/ait\/?p=48"},"modified":"2018-02-21T22:29:58","modified_gmt":"2018-02-22T02:29:58","slug":"defian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/defian\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 4: Defiant"},"content":{"rendered":"

And on the fourth day, I rested.<\/span><\/p>\n

Better known as… if it’s Thursday, I must be emotionally spent.<\/span><\/p>\n

But good can come from an emotional gas tank on empty. Sometimes that’s when we learn the most about ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

And today I learned I am defiant. As evidenced, surprisingly, by seven hair ties around my left wrist. Black. Brown. Red. Pink. Purple. Turquoise. And leopard print.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know it’s stupid, but these hair ties represent, in some weird way, who I really am whilst in “boy mode.” Something I can look at when I start to have my doubts. In other words, all the freakin’ time.<\/span><\/p>\n

But figuring out who you really are is tough when you’re transgendered.<\/span><\/p>\n

Speaking only for myself (and that’s a very important distinction, by the way), I’ve experienced, over the course of literally decades, what I can only describe as distinct phases, starting with exploration, objectification (better known as the “stripper phase”) to this past year as an alternative “female” construct of myself (“Jenni”).<\/span><\/p>\n

But my most recent epiphany is fueled by Eddie Izzard, very quickly becoming my patron saint. I now have a “boy mode” — the version of me that I am comfortable sharing in public, and “girl mode” who still lives safely at home usually only on weekends. But it’s this crazy, funny, feisty, smart and hopefully sexy “girl” who I aspire to be in public.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, and this is important (and, yes, we’re be talking about my big but), being in “girl mode” doesn’t mean I lose who I’ve been for literally 48 years. It doesn’t mean I stop watching football. Or Doctor Who. Or kick-ass adventure movies.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hell, no.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is only a sliver of the entirety of me. Okay, perhaps a slice. Or may be even a big, it’s-you’re-birthday-and you’re-allowed-to-splurge sized shard of birthday cake. But regardless of how tasty that piece of cake is, it’s still only a part of me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, sorry. That analogy ran off the rails a bit.<\/span><\/p>\n

In any event, my hope is that I can show the world who I really feel like on the inside. And speaking of kick-ass adventure movies, I’m hoping that woman is a little like Ellen Ripley, Beatrix Kiddo and Sarah Connor.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note: When I began transitioning in 2014, I was known by my nickname DiG, which sufficed until I learned my mom had chosen Jennifer had my birth gone differently. So for historical sake, I leave my posts and podcasts as originally conceived, but know that my name is and apparently always was Jen.<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And on the fourth day, I rested. Better known as… if it’s Thursday, I must be emotionally spent. But good can come from an emotional gas tank on empty. Sometimes that’s when we learn the most about ourselves. And today I learned I am defiant. As evidenced, surprisingly, by seven hair ties around my left […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=48"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":563,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48\/revisions\/563"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=48"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=48"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=48"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}