{"id":40,"date":"2014-10-04T06:30:00","date_gmt":"2014-10-04T06:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/ait\/?p=40"},"modified":"2018-02-21T22:24:13","modified_gmt":"2018-02-22T02:24:13","slug":"day-12-scariest-day-ever-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/day-12-scariest-day-ever-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 12: Scariest Day Ever, Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"

As if my harrowing day in NYC was not enough, I decide to bite the bullet and tell my youngest son when I get home.<\/span><\/p>\n

Age 17. Senior in high school. Interested art school. And a Brony.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m not good at waiting and I don’t want him to think my moodiness has anything to do with him.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I come home and announce I have something to tell him. Something I’ve hidden from the world for 40 years. And no, I’m not gay.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a flash, I get a vision of him not responding well. Of never wanting to see me again. Of being ashamed of me. And I lose it. In front of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

I try to gather myself up, but tears are streaming down my face. Deep breath. REALLY deep breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I dive into my sixth (!!!!!!) admission of the day (are you nuts!?!) and finally speak the words, I am transgendered.<\/span><\/p>\n

I look up and he is staring at me expressionless. Nothing. Nada.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not good. REALLY not good.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I start to babble. This is me babbling. Oh wow have I have become good at babbling. Then I pause.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wait a minute…<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you know what the word “transgendered” means?<\/span><\/p>\n

No.<\/span><\/p>\n

Omigod, omigod, omigod. It’s second chance time. Like losing a football game on a missed kick, then seeing that glorious roughing the kicker flag.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, it’s kinda like Eddie Izzard (who we went to see in D.C. and ran into in London at the Monty Python Reunion show).<\/span><\/p>\n

After more babbling, my son stops me and tells me he is totally fine with it. Really. His favorite Brony musician is transgendered. His Facebook picture is a photo of him with the same transgendered musician.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am so relieved. I am so lucky. I am so blessed. He’s even intrigued to see me in “girl” mode.<\/span><\/p>\n

We hug and while I can’t stop the tears, I can stop the fear, the panic, for at least one night.<\/span><\/p>\n

But morning comes early to parents of high school students. 6:10 to be exact and while all is good between us, not all is good between my ears.<\/span><\/p>\n

He leaves for school at 6:30 and within minutes I’m sobbing in the bathroom. Everything that I’ve been holding in from the previous day comes tumbling out. Hell, everything I’ve been holding in for 40 years.<\/span><\/p>\n

I finally pull myself together, throw on my yoga pants and an eggplant long sleeve women’s ribbed tee over my bra. I tie my hair in a side ponytail, put on hoop earrings and my clogs, and appraise myself in the mirror. Not too shabby. A little cute, actually. Very understated. Very non-threatening (I hope).<\/span><\/p>\n

3:00 comes and I hear the front door open, my son returning from school. I’m upstairs, so I give him a minute to get settled in, then text, Do you mind seeing girl mode?<\/span><\/p>\n

Silence.<\/span><\/p>\n

After five tortuous minutes, I add, Should I take that as a no? \ud83d\ude09<\/span><\/p>\n

More silence. A LOT more silence<\/span><\/p>\n

Shit. Shit. Shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then my phone buzzes. Sorry, the cat sat on me and I feel asleep. I would not mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

Deep breath. Deep breath. \u00a0Don’t hyperventilate. Deep breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

I come down the stairs and my son is waiting for me. He breaks into a broad smile and says, Wow, you look really nice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Either he means it or he’s going to do really well with women. Either way, score!<\/span><\/p>\n

I spend the next few hours in girl mode. With someone I know. With someone I love. Who isn’t freaked out by it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Life is good. Scary, but really, really good.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note: When I began transitioning in 2014, I was known by my nickname DiG, which sufficed until I learned my mom had chosen Jennifer had my birth gone differently. So for historical sake, I leave my posts and podcasts as originally conceived, but know that my name is and apparently always was Jen.<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As if my harrowing day in NYC was not enough, I decide to bite the bullet and tell my youngest son when I get home. Age 17. Senior in high school. Interested art school. And a Brony. I’m not good at waiting and I don’t want him to think my moodiness has anything to do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":554,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions\/554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/possiblegirl.com\/sotheresthat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}